easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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