Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
