So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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