i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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