he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
