? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
the condom got lost in my hair
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
