I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
