Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
