absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Randomize
