please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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