When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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