im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
