Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
