She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
