Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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