i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
