she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
