spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
