Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
