Do you still have your period?
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Randomize
