I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
