On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
