If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
