Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize