So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Randomize
