My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
