get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize