in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
