Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
