Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
