I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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