We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
