this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
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I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
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Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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