remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
fuck your aforementioned shoe
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
