I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
