ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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