So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
