and you said cock pushups were impossible
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
