Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
