How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Do you have feelings for this penis?
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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