So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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