She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
