So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize