is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
