Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
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