yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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