Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This baby is an asshole
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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