i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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