I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
