i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
