I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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