And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
