Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
