why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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