The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
True college students do jello shots in the library
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
