In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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