So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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