We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
