If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
