i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
