his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
i just sent this text using only my big toe
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
