how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
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i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize