it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.