Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.