so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
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I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
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Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."