(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
