This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
