I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
