he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
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