My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Randomize
