You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
