If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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