Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
