1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
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