i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Randomize
