I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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