You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
