Will you blow on my dice?
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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