My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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