I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
