oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
