Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
